Tag archive for "waking up"

Just for Fun, Life Coaching, Spirituality & Transformation

Suffering: You’re Soaking in It

No Comments 26 August 2011

“If suffering made a sound we would hardly be able to hear ourselves think.”
–Master meditation and grief teacher and poet Stephen Levine

The last thing a fish would invent is water. In the same way the last thing I noticed I was addicted to was suffering.

It was everywhere, I was soaking in it. My body was wafting a feeling tone of bone-weary sadness and lethargy from every pore. The pain body took up occupancy then slimed every square inch before bolting all the windows and doors to make sure my identification with it, as it, was complete. Its jangled and spiky vibes were systemic, pernicious. As Adyashanti would say, I was “Velcro’d”.

Where I was was off. If I was there, even I wished I wasn’t. Kids would go find another room to play in. Dogs would growl. Even my body odor smelled like it belonged to someone else.

Have you ever tried to out-affirm, out-pray, deny or step over that kind of pain? To stuff a steamer trunk of %dc# like that into a space no one would recognize? There is nothing more pathetic and painful than watching someone do that to themselves. The heart knows the truth.

So, you might ask, how did feeling like Eeyore become my drug of choice? Who knows. All I know is it did feel familiar, in the sense of family, or ancestry or at least collective. Like the uh-oh you get in your gut when you step off the plane onto the tarmac of a war-ravaged country. Its not really personal until you make it so. Then the parasite of suffering sucks up to a new host.

Looking back, I can see how I was continually gathering evidence of not enough, animating it with my attention, fertilizing it with the foods I ate, the way I held my body, even the way I breathed. My first few breaths of each morning were puffed into this gloomy little ghost, the rest of the day spent idly stroking it with two fingers…one of encouragement, one of dread. And I was so proud of that angst, protective of it as mine, my special artistic and intuitive sensitivities and pessimistic proclivities.  As if brooding made me European and mysterious instead of just an annoyingly brooding American. Pride and shame together make a kind of emotional epoxy.

So how did I get unstuck from the addiction to suffering?

I’ll tell you: merging onto the highway today (which takes time in an old 4 cylinder Subaru) I realized that what I thought was “being in my heart” was actually a lie: I was leaking energy to my feelings and giving my power away to my feelings of separation. Compassion had turned to wallowing, self-care to neuroticism.

Today I chose to let go of wanting to be controlled by that feeling, and instead to  re-claim and re-direct my energy and love to someone else that can truly benefit. In choosing to cut that cord, I feel my energy rise, spine lengthen, and heart expand.

If I get caught by that feeling again, I can rest in knowing that feeling is arising in or on that which I Am, and not the other way around. And if I really look deep within, I can’t find anyone home to actually take posession of that little package of pain.

And that is a huge and blessed relief.

Spirituality & Transformation

Jeddah Mali at Stillheart Institute

No Comments 25 March 2011

Jeddah Mali at Stilheart Institute

My friend and spiritual mentor Jeddah Mali made a rare U.S. appearance at the Stillheart Institute in Woodside California on April 15th-17th, 2011. Below is a slideshow and event photo gallery of the images from the event:


Spiritual Retreat at Stillheart Institute with Jeddah Mali – Images by doug ellis

If you would like to deepen your sense of being and feel inspired by our global interdependence and your role in it, by all means please join us! Howard Martin, Vice President of HeartMath, will also be making an appearance to discuss the Earth’s electromagnetic fields and what this is increasingly revealing to us about the interaction between human beings and the Earth.

The setting and venue are world-class.

The registration page and full details can be found here: http://jeddahmali.com/california-april.php

I will be there photographing the event and offering portrait sessions to the attendees.

Here is some of what you can expect in this two day experience of global harmony:

We will look at the universal laws that govern existence, and how a better understanding of these laws will enable us to transform our thinking and realign our intentions towards individual and collective health, happiness and harmony.

We will examine our predisposition for peace and contentment, and see that we are hardwired for harmony – both individually and collectively. We will be exploring the truth of that within our own experience and where we might be freer and clearer in our understanding and experience (and thus bestow freedom and clarity upon the world).

We will look at the options that are available to humanity at this time of increased challenge and examine the poignant questions:

  • What does the future world we desire require of us now?
  • And what are the most viable options for achieving this on an individual, societal and global level?

We will also share some of the ground-breaking science on the Earth’s electromagnetic fields and what this is increasingly revealing to us about the interaction between human beings and the Earth.

Please join me in spending two days with Jeddah at this incredible event, with special guest Howard Martin of  (Heartmath / Global Coherence Initiative).


© 2017 Business Photos & Portraits. Powered by WordPress.

Daily Edition Theme by WooThemes - Premium WordPress Themes