You Might be Spiritually Neurotic If you..
- Have more white and purple clothes in your closet than any other color.
- Know the difference between Ganesha, Gangaji and Gurmukh.
- Put up your dreamcatcher in a hotel room.
- Have tried both holo and hemi sync and the theta goggles.
- Have ever purchased a Q-link, Em-wave, or healing crystals on credit or layaway.
- Make a wish or another ritual when you see repeating numbers on a clock.
- Have five or more close friends who are doulas, energy healers, or shamans.
- Say a prayer of gratitude when you put a key in a lock.
- Own both the brown Animal totem book and the purple rock/crystal book.
- Consciously charge or energize popcorn and other snack foods with your hands.
- Have used a pendulum to dowse a major life decision.
- Can describe the difference between an angel, archangel, avatar, and ascended master and know a few by name.
- Have a special bindi you like to wear for kirtan.
- Have your own energy worker, astrologer and animal intuitive.
- Require your friends and family to call you by your spiritual name.
- Know when to use the rose quartz and when to use the smoky quartz.
- Have helped at, camped at, or somehow greased your way into, a big spiritual workshop or event you couldn’t afford.
- Have a medicine pouch either in your car or on your person.
- Have feathers or white sage in your car or bathroom.
- Have slept out for Amma.
- Have done the spiritual triple crown: Bali, India, and Esalen.
- Own both the hardcover and softcover versions of ACIM.
- Regularly travel with your own incense, mala, singing bowl, tingshaws, or zafu.
- Play either crystal bowls, a harmonium, or digiredoo or tabla.
- Know the difference between sri and zri.
- Know your sun, moon, and rising sign.
- Prefer to buy or price things in multiples of 9 or that add up to 9 ($108).
- You use phrases like “cut cords”, “held space”, “star seeds” or “twin flames”.
- Check the Vedic astrology to make sure it is “in the flow”
- Have “grounded” your car.
- Have run up a Sounds True bill higher than your grocery bill.
- Resonating with someone or something is both the Alpha and the Omega.
- Feel uncomfortable when someone handles your mala.
- Have the words Light, Star, Love, or Rainbow in your email address or online dating profile.
- Have aspirations to build a better Burning Manor Rainbow Gathering camp next year.
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Scoring System
0-5: Answering yes to 0-5 indicates a very low level of spiritually neurotic activity and behavior. I have no idea how you found me and my website. Spirit must be playing a trick on you.
6-10: You are beginning to develop mild spiritual affectations and energetic sensitivities, but there may still be hope to re-enter mainstream society if you move back to the midwest. Fast.
11-15: Code Indigo (6th Chakra): Your daily life and spiritual life have begun to blur into a smear. You are beginning to show clear signs of being an odd duck in a queer pond and have begun the dismantling process or your regular waking life.
16-20: Code Orange (2nd Chakra): You don’t just do this on Sunday mornings. You speak the lingo and know the secret handshake. You are also past the point of return. Get into the body for the next plunge down the rabbit hole.
21-26: Code Red: (1st Chakra): Spiritual hardcore. If you aren’t one of my coaching clients yet we should talk. This is the final push. You likely either live on the West Coast or in a van down by the river. Fortunately for you, your sangha does too so you don’t care anymore.
27-32: Code White (TP Point): The only difference between someone who is enlightened and one who isn’t is the one who is enlightened knows there is no difference. You are There and You Are That. Congratulations. The Paranormal is your new normal and you have come full circle.
Nobody else understands you but since there are no Others in your dimension of experience Its all Good. Thanks for being you.
Also see: you might be nutritionally neurotic if…
