If you missed my original missive describing the events surrounding my pre-emptive strike on a midlife crisis, you may want to click here to get oriented.
Or just read on to learn what 14 months in my spiritual vortex/washing machine here has shaken out.
My overarching intent in moving was to count on and not repeat myself–a full-time and expensive endeavor. Financing my faith, not my fear, and doubling down, I spent a third of my net worth on personal and professional development in 2009.
People are shaking the Etch-A-Sketch and having it shaken for them willingly and unwillingly all over the US now, alone and with families. I was fortunate to be able to do it somewhat on purpose and alone. By mid-year the reinvention experiment definitely got out of the laboratory, but by then I was relaxed enough that I could tell my new life was unfolding according to some larger plan.
The Ojai valley is healing, powerful tribal land. Wise, no nonsense grandmother medicine. I feel it most in the sparkling, dazzling dark silence. It’s rich and hazy..steeping in it too long might make me unfit for life anywhere else. I found myself wondering if “healing” might sometimes be a socially condoned substitute for “escaping” or “resisting” in the same way that “trying” is wanting approval for something that one has no intention of doing.
The energy of “The Nest” is slow but strong, and shook my creative tree in the best possible way last year. I was gone at least a week every month in 2009, spending almost 80 full days actively immersed in retreat, educational and workshop settings, including The Sedona Method, The Work, Awakening Coaching Training, Soul Purpose Institute, Transformational Leadership Council, University of Santa Monica, and silent meditation retreats with Adyashanti.
These are a few improbable but possible truths, breadcrumbs really, that I have followed down the rabbit hole during these quasi times. I can’t say that I found myself so much as lost parts of the old me I don’t even miss. Other parts came to life to take their place, and I am definitely not the same person I was even six months ago.
One of the side effects of living in the vortex is the certainty that you are missing something–including certainty.
I have realized that I am unabashedly aligned toward beauty. And the underdog. And nature. And silence.
Without frogs, stars and crickets you got nothin.
It is clear that no one really knows what they are doing and there is no such thing as a grownup.
Because it was so close to my way of seeing and being, it was a real ah-hah to realize I was building websites and making pictures as an act of healing—creating favorable conditions for someone to clarify and express their Essential Nature with light. I was basically doing energy healing with congealed energy in the form of pixels..it still surprises me, even now, to write it..
The deepest addiction is to I—but quitting it cold turkey—well, not for everyone. Two words. Park Bench.
Ojai is supposed to be the cult capital of California (possibly the world) but I haven’t been recruited, likely because I have now become too open minded and spiritually polyamorous to drink any one flavor of Kool-Aid.
I have eaten an incredible number of avocados, oranges, and coconut bars but my main staple is Nick and Rob’s Power Burrito.
If you are thinking of making the leap..know that you will never feel quite ready. Conditions are never favorable enough. Never. And there is no perfect place. But the good news is that the universe and everyone in it genuinely wants you to succeed, especially if you are authentically expressing your soul’s purpose And, grace often comes in the form of all the things that don’t happen..as my friend Steve D’Annunzio says, “Rejection is God’s protection.”
I see now how I imposed my own ceilings and limits based only on what I believe I can handle. It was completely made up and I see that now.
So is any moral or pattern or directional conclusion you may draw from any of this.
Until next time, safe journeys,